The Lord has comforted us…a year later!

It is a year since we said “goodbye” to our daughter, Baby J, whom the Lord took away before we could even say “hello”. The words of the sonographer, “I am sorry, there is no heartbeat” still linger in our minds, and we replay them over and over again as if it was just yesterday. The memories of spending over 20 hours in the labor ward to give birth to a lifeless child are still very fresh in our minds. She was born at 8:05 am, on May 20th, 2022. We loved her even in death. 

As we look back, a year later, we can confidently say: 

1. The Lord has kept us… 

The death of Baby J came as a shock to us, but we were convinced it was not a surprise to God. We were comforted in that he who numbered her days took her away. As soon as we heard the words ‘no heartbeat,’ we were reminded of the words of Job when he said, “The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken!” We memorized these words and said them over and over again to ourselves, and in tears said, “Blessed be the name of the Lord!” 

After a short memorial service for her at the hospital’s chapel, we drove back home. What followed were many long and sleepless nights. We were sorrowful and we wept. We also lamented. At times, we lived in untold and in a myriad of fears. We feared and wondered what might befall us next. We grappled with small and big Christian doctrines and especially that of the goodness and the sovereignty of God. In many instances, we wondered, “If God is powerful and good, why didn’t he stop the death of our baby?” When such questions yielded no answers, we took them to the Lord in prayer. 

As we look back now, we thank God for keeping us then. He never left us alone. He kept us day and night. He walked with us, even in the valley of sorrow and tears. One year later, we join in with the Psalmist in saying, “If the Lord had not been on our side (we admit it), if the Lord had not been on our side, we would have been swallowed alive by our enemies (death). . . We would have drowned beneath its flood and its raging waters would have swept us away” (Psalm 124:1-5). Praise be to the Lord, who kept us then, and is keeping us today. 

2. The Lord is keeping us…

A year ago, the future looked very uncertain. We did not know what the Lord had in store for us. We therefore hoped. We trusted. We believed in the Lord’s good promises. Here we are a year later, and the Lord has comforted us. Yes, he has. He has calmed our fears. He has helped us to keep trusting in His word. He has enabled us to keep standing on his promises. We for sure can say as the Psalmist says, “weeping may stay for the night, but joy comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5). 

As we fondly remember Baby J, we are grateful to God for the safe arrival of her brother, Baby Joe, a month ago. Indeed, the Lord has comforted us. We know for sure that Joe will never be Baby J. He will never replace her. Even with this reality, we rejoice that the Lord has had mercy on us and granted us to hold another baby. We are grateful. We delight in the Lord, who is the giver of this gift.  

Indeed, the Lord who neither slumbers nor sleeps, as the Psalmist says in Psalm 121, has kept us. He is keeping us now, and we are very confident that he will keep us tomorrow and in the days to come. 

3. The Lord will keep us…

As we remember and continue to mourn Baby J, we are confident that the Lord will continue to keep us. He will keep us until that day when our faith will be made to sight. As those who have an inheritance kept in heaven for us, we are confident that God will keep us for that inheritance (1 Peter 1:4-5). We thus continue to keep our eyes fixed on what is to come, knowing so well that these momentary afflictions are not worth comparing with the glory that is to come (2 Cor 4:17). 

We thus will today, tomorrow, and the days to come continue to long and look forward to Jesus’ appearing, when our lowly bodies will be transformed to be like his glorious body (Phil 3:20). We look forward to and wait with great anticipation that day when death itself will die. We long for that time which Prophet Isaiah looked forward to, when he said, “Never again will there be in it an infant who lives but a few days…” (Isaiah 65:20).

Today, we are confident that the Lord will keep us until that day. As those who have been robbed of a loved one by death, we wait with eager anticipation for the resurrection day, when this last enemy of God’s people will be damned forever. We will be there mocking death, and taunting death, saying as Paul does, “Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” (1 Cor 15:55). We thus here and now, long for that day. We eagerly wait. We anticipate. 

For sure, words themselves are not enough to express how we dearly miss Baby J. She will remain in our hearts forever. As we remember her, we are grateful to God who has kept us a year since she left us. We are glad that he is keeping us now as we think about her, on this first anniversary. We are also confident that God will keep us until that day, when we, together with those who have fallen asleep, will meet the Lord and live with him, as a familiar hymn says, for ten thousand years and then forevermore!  

Even so, come, Lord Jesus.